Not Much Luck

Every time we take the Fiat out at the moment the heavens seem to tear open in to a torrential downpour, leaving me scrambling for a cloth to stem the all-too-familiar water dribble from the corner of the windscreen.

It's extremely irritating. The weather keeps doing this "I'm a lovely day... oh no I'm not!" trick... like a cat inviting you to rub his tummy, then clamping his teeth and claws in to your hand as soon as you accept the invitation.

And to cap it all off, on Monday afternoon the garage door stuck open. So there I was, in a hail storm, at the end of May, dripping wet, wrestling with a stuck garage door while my girlfriend wiped the car down. (I failed, by the way - the council are fixing the door on Friday and the car is on the street.)

Anyway, weather aside, I checked the "hand accelerator" and it is there. I forgot to try it though, as I got caught up in other things. I also checked for the paint code on behalf of a Fiat 500 Club member who is looking to paint his newly restored Fiat 500 body the same colour. Unfortunately, I couldn't find it, but he believes the Fiat colour is Avorio, which makes sense - it's the Italian word for ivory.

I also found the drains mentioned on the Fiat 500 Club boards which channel the water away from the windscreen corners and are intended to prevent the water dribble from the corner of the windscreen.

I say I found them. That's all I did, however, as we were anxious to get going and the pipes had been painted so pulling them off wasn't such a simple task. I'm also well aware of what happens when you pull old, perished rubber pipes off. They invariably refuse to return to their original position. So it may be wise to purchase some replacement pipework before pulling the old stuff off.

I've also just this moment realised I forgot to make a note of the engine number. D'oh!

Cruise Control??

I discovered something amazing the other day. Something I would never have believed. The Fiat 500 has cruise control, or rather, what is known as a 'hand accelerator'.

This little device is in the form of a cable and a lever (so far as I've read - I'm yet to check for it in ours, but I'm assured I will find it). It is rather simple really. You pull the lever and it opens the throttle, simply locking in place (a bit like a choke) where you leave it.

As one club member observed, "it means you can stand up through the sunroof and still drive"... Quite. I shan't be travelling anywhere with you, Mike!

The down (and rather dangerous) side to this device is it has exactly the same effect as dropping a brick on the accelerator pedal. There are no nice disengage safety features when you brake or anything like that. Oh no. Neat as it is, only a true tricolore, young (probably male) Italian would ever use this 'feature' in normal driving conditions.

Though it comes in very handy if you ever have temporary problems with the idle speed.

Italian Cars Day

As I mentioned previously, on Saturday 6th May we hopped in our little Fiat 500 and drove over to one of the most notorious bikers hang-outs in the UK - the Ace Café.

For the uninitiated, the Ace is where all the Rockers used to meet in the 1950s and 60s, up on the outskirts of London, for wild parties and street racing on the North Circular London bypass road. (I initially said the Mods and the Rockers, but as a 500 Club member, John Briggs, rightly pointed out, the Mods weren't welcome!)

Still a very popular haunt for bikers, it has also become home for all motorists of a nostalgic persuasion, and has both classic car and bike days.

We arrived (fashionably) late for the Italian Cars Day and the weather was dreadful, so unfortunately all the Ferraris, Lancias, Maseratis, etc. I was hoping to see didn't show up. Wimps!

But top marks to the Fiat 500 club who turned out in half-decent numbers in spite of the rain. It was lovely to meet everyone and I also discovered we aren't the only ones with a leaky windscreen. As I have long suspected, there is a design flaw allowing water to collect in the corner of the windscreen. Over time the seal fails, then water gets in and corrosion begins, leading to a common failure in the car's ability to not drip water on the passenger's knee!

We also got an excellent tip from the club chairman, Carl. Unclip the roof and open every door, hatch and lid before locking the garage to let everything breathe and give the seals a break while you're not using the car.

The photograph shows Carl's Fiat 500 with rather fetching trailer too. It's made up of half of another (previously rotten) 500 he chopped especially after stripping for spares. (Sadly some of these little Fiats are simply beyond repair, and this is a good, innovative use of what would otherwise have been scrap metal. Bob has one he wants to turn in to a sofa.)

Unfortunately, ours isn't in the picture because we were parked behind (with a gorgeous original Abarth - which had already left before we braved the weather to take photos... more's the pity). And I have to say, we were rather shamed by the immaculate condition of everyone elses Fiats. But at least ours was the only left hand drive there.

We now have to decide if we can be bothered to drive all the way to Beale Park from Epping in a Fiat 500 a week on Monday. It will be a nice day, but it's a pretty long way...

The Runabout Is Dead

Long Live the Runabout! Actually, it's not 'dead', strictly speaking. It's for sale, as I have gone upmarket and bought myself a rather nice Rover 600 as a replacement. Unfortunately, this means I have to endure endless 'flat cap' jokes and various other amusing jibes. From my father, of all people. The nerve of the man!

In case anyone is interested, the Citroen is going for £125 on Autotrader.

What about the Italian Cars Day?? Patience. I'll get there. Maybe tomorrow.

The Golden Age Of Advertising

The cheesy smiles, smart pin-stripe suits, boys in caps and 'short trousers', knee-length dresses, perfect families with super-modern accessories. Hilarious. I found this website with a collection of old Fiat 500 ads from all over Europe. It's well worth having a quick flick through, if you have five minutes. As someone who worked in advertising until recently, I always enjoy flicking through old advertising. It makes me smile.

And while I'm posting links, I also came across this website with a reasonably accurate account of all Fiat 500 models from the 1936 Topolino onwards, including visual representations of the changes from model to model. All good stuff.

May Day Fun

I think it's fair to say Spring has officially Sprung. We have flowers exploding all over the garden, the sun is shining, my grass seed is growing (in spite of the best efforts of the the local pigeon population), I haven't worn my winter coat for a week or two now and haven't needed to. Even the lazy, good-for-nothing cat (who has utterly failed to prevent avian seed theft) has ventured in to the garden temporarily, if only to uproot some carefully tended bulbs. At least he did a little of his molting outside for once!

So this Bank Holiday weekend the Lotus took a spin over to Derbyshire for a stag do. It was the first time I'd driven it since it was worked on over the Winter - in fact, the first time in months - so I was very glad to give it a good 100 miles on the clock to see how things feel.

Firstly, it starts like an absolute dream with the new starter motor! I am extremely pleased I no longer have to spend half an hour with a pair of jump-leads trying to coax and tease it in to life every time I want to go anywhere. It's a vast improvement.

Once going, I think it runs a bit leaner, but when you get to 3,000 RPM and put your foot to the floor it leaps in to life with impressive vigour. Nipping by people in 4th was definitely easier now the twin Delorto carbs have been cleaned and tuned.

The only remaining (or rather, newly developed) problem is the clutch master cylinder seems to be doing something funny. The clutch simply disappears temporarily. I need to get that fixed before we go to France in June, but it's not a big job. More expense.

Saturday will be busy. Weather permitting, we're off the Italian Cars Day at the legendary Ace Café on London's North Circular road. I'm also replacing the runabout. I've seen a nice Ford Escort Estate I want to look at either this evening or tomorrow, if the chap still has it. I'm fed up of driving around in a battered, noisy old Citroen AX!

Drive It

Apparently Sunday was "Drive It Day", and to quote Fiat 500 Club board regular, paul1947, "we are being called upon by the great and good to take our cars out and about to raise public awareness of vintage and classic cars".

I didn't. On Sunday it was pissing it down with rain, and rain is not a good thing for a 1971 Fiat 500. Especially not lots of rain. Humbug!

And so "Drive It Day" was a total wash-out in the South East of England. Mind you, apparently (and rather perversely, given the usual state of affairs) the North West of England was bathed in glorious sunshine, so I hope Northern classic car owners took full advantage. Many South-dwellers less wimpy than myself also braved the changeable weather.

Other news-worthy events. I went out in the Lotus a few weeks ago. That is, my father drove me around in the Lotus because I accidently messed up the insurance renewal and was not legally permitted to drive myself. Anyway, it's running very sweetly and starts first time with it's new upgraded starter motor, timing adjustments and cleaned carbs. Thank you Neil (current chap charged with keeping the Lotus ticking). I'm still waiting for the bill. Eek!

Also, though we didn't make "Drive It Day", the Fiat did take an outing on the Saturday before, which was bathed in glorious sunshine. We made the mistake of going to a garden centre - just to look around, of course.

Three plants, compost, pots, watering can and grass seed later, we had an interesting 3D jigsaw to complete in order to get everything in the Fiat. Much to the amusement of the good folk coming and going from the establishment in assorted 4x4 and people carrier things. Let me just say, it's a good job the roof opens.

We Found It!

The garage! We know where it is! Hallelujah! There is a God!

I'm going to map the garage sites of Epping (I now know every single bloody one) and post the map to the District Council, suggesting they make multiple copies and hand them to new garage keepers so other people don't end up taking a week to find their newly rented property!

Still, it's a nice garage and a quiet spot. And we still have the keys to the old one, in case the County Council change their minds and don't knock them down after all.

Filthy Habit

Remember Uncle Buck's car? Every time he started the damned thing it billowed smoke like a factory chimney. The Fiat must've seen the movie too. They are exactly the antics it has decided to mimick to the point where it is really beginning to get embarassing.

Picture the scene - it's a busy supermarket car park. We put the shopping on the back seat, hop in the Fiat and ready ourselves to depart (which involves all the usual faffing with seatbelts, fumbling for battery isolator key, &c.)

Meanwhile, and unbeknownst to us, a middle-aged lady wanders over to the car parked behind us and starts to transfer shopping from trolley to trunk (or boot, or whatever you want to call it). We reversed in, she reversed in, so there we are, back to back.

Oblivious, my girlfriend gives it a quick pump of the gas, turn of the key and the little 500cc motor ticks in to life... with an enormous black cloud of oil smoke, completely engulfing afforementioned unfortunate shopper. Oops. We make a cheerful apology and a hasty exit.

I really must get it fixed. While the rest of the country obsesses on quitting smoking, our Italian baby starts! Typical!

In the meantime I'm waiting for it to develop the other Uncle Buckesque trait - the window-shattering back-fire when it stops.

Garages - The Full Story

Look. No 'N'. I'm proud of me for breaking that vicious cycle. Now, I know I digress from the topic of motoring slightly with this (and the previous) post, but I simply must tell you how things panned out with the Council(s). And I strongly suspect the local paper would like this too.

Now a garage is a fairly simple structure (see photo - those are actually in Slough, probably most famous for The Office - but you get the idea). A concrete shed with a thin metal door suitable for keeping a car in. Unfortunately, most garages are owned by local Councils and the upshot of this is the bureaucracy and incompetence surrounding their management is often jaw-dropping.

When I moved to Epping last July I intended to take on the tenancy of the garage the previous owner occupied. He had done this five years previous when he took on the cottage himself and didn't seem to think it would be a problem. He informed us the Council tended to give preference to the cottages where I live, because we have no off street parking.

There was just one piece of information missing - he didn't specify which Council. Being new to the town, we assumed he meant the District Council since they have the most imposing presence and fanciest building.

So off I go, bravely and naively in to the realms of local government to try and claim my garage tenancy. Nine months, three letters, multiple emails and telephone conversations later, I am beginning to decipher what actually happened.

Under the impression the District Council rented the garages behind the church in Epping I contacted them first, explaining the situation, telling them I wished to take tenancy of the garage behind the church - as the previous property owner had before - and was this possible? Here's what they said:

No. We'll send you some forms so you can join the list.

And here's what they actually should have said:

We have to confess, we don't have anything to do with that garage site. In fact, it is controlled by the Town Council but I'm sure they can tell you what their policy is if you give them a call.

Bit of a difference, wouldn't you say? If they had told me in the first place the garages weren't actually theirs, this whole saga would never have happened.

Onwards.

The District Council proceeded to send me forms to apply for a place on a garage site they didn't even run. The forms arrived, I called the District Council to ask the proper name of the garage site and was told to put "behind the church" (this was their second opportunity to tell me the garages weren't actually theirs), filled them in and sent them off. There. I'm on the list for a garage in Epping, with a stated preference of the site behind the church. All I can do now is wait.

In the meantime, our good neighbours to the right of our cottage both move to Chelmsford, vacating a garage on the site. One of them popped over and said we should call the Council as there was a garage up and he was sure we'd get it. Again, I called the District Council about the garages behind the church, only to be tersely told to wait my turn. (A third opportunity to tell me they didn't even look after those garages!!)

I gave up at this point, I resigned myself to being on the list until something came up. So imagine my shock when I discover the District Council are saying they have a glut of garages in Epping (see previous post). Now, and only now, do our heroes inform me:

• They don't look after the garages behind the church - the Town Council do
• They have loads of garages, but thought we only wanted one on the Chapel Road site

I wanted to scream, cry and laugh all at once. I didn't even know where Chapel Road was! Why would I want a garage there specifically??

But at least there was now light at the end of the tunnel. The District Council immediately offered me a garage on their Springfield 'C' site, which I took because a garage fifteen minutes away on foot is far superior to no garage at all when you want to keep a classic car dry.

I picked up the keys this morning, however the lady I spoke to didn't know where the garages were. Of course! What else should I expect from a local government organisation which kept me on the line for nine months trying to rent me a garage they didn't own?

There are three council garage sites somewhere in the south end of Epping, down the hill - Springfield A, B and C. I drove all over the place this morning and found A. I continued, in and out of every side street, and as I was verging on giving up I found B. I then gave up. I still have no bloody idea where C is and neither do the Council. I've spotted a likely location on Google Maps using the satellite imagery (see the sandy vertical strip in the centre of the shot) which I shall be investigating, as it's the last likely location I can see anywhere in the whole town. Wish me luck!


In the meantime, I finally knew who really did look after the garages behind the church - the Town Council - so I could call them and ask about getting one. The sucker punch?

The Town Council only rent the garages behind the church so can't help. They don't own them. And the County Council (who do own them) have ear-marked them for demolition. Of course, we don't know that for sure yet, because much in the same way as the District Council don't actually know where their own garages are, the County Council don't know what they do with theirs - instead they referred me to a private property management company who look after all that stuff for them. And this company will only deal with me in writing. So that's where my Council Tax is going, eh? Ho hum.